You will not annex our spelling!

There's one thing we know Canadians will retain in these wild times.

Nature abhors a vacuum, the Greek philosopher Aristotle is believed to have quipped. But the soon-to-be-former Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, will not be fooled by ancient wisdom or the great minds that helped to shape the democratic pillars of the western world.

This week he did what physics and politics has, for over 2000 years, asserted to be impossible: he purposefully left the country without a leader and shut down government at one of the most significant times in its recent history. He created a leadership vacuum and refused to fill it (and he did it on purpose).

On Monday, our fancy-socks Prime Minister stepped out of his residence to give the most consequential speech of his life. Before he reached the podium, the first three pages of his announcement blew away in the wind to the audible gasps of the reporters gathered to cover the moment.

As the pages blew into the cold, grey Ottawa morning, Trudeau had to “wing it.” The improvised nature of his speech may best explain the announcement that followed: a national process to find his replacement would commence, Parliament would be shut down (no proceedings, debate, or votes) until a new party leader is found, any questions?

Nothing but the obvious, dear (former) leader: What do we do now as ultra-MAGA Trump returns to power and comes in hot, threatening massive tariffs on Canada as he jokingly but maybe seriously suggests Canada become the 51st State? And a follow up: Who will represent us as said process unfolds?

If only he could have retrieved those three pieces of paper. If only those pages detailed a meticulous, Canada-first plan.

Instead, startled Canadians have been left, all week, to try to answer the questions above. Our best guesses are: 1) We will do nothing and 2) Over the next few months there will be no one.

Into this leadership void, our premieres, mainly Danielle Smith in Alberta and Doug Ford in Ontario have ventured. Alongside our venerated ambassador and diplomatic stalwart Kevin O'Leary (the Shark Tank billionaire) they now negotiate Canada’s future through a US media blitz.

We will sell energy, we will sell minerals, we are great friends and partners. We are a sovereign and sober nation.

They are magnanimous. They're trying to sound tough and shrewd and kind. They're being diplomatic and attempting the art of persuasion. They’re doing a pretty decent job of showing we have some national self respect. But they aren't sanctioned or empowered to represent the federation. They’re salesmen showing up with vacuums to a trade fight.

Through the media, Trump has responded. He has, so far, highlighted that Canada has nothing he really wants or needs, and the current trade agreements, if unchanged, suit a US state, not a sovereign nation. He noted in a press conference this week that he said as much to Justin Trudeau on the much publicized visit to Mar-a-Lago at the end of 2024, something the officially former-interim PM forgot to tell us during his three weeks of reflection and skiing over Christmas.

While the various power brokers posture, bluster, negotiate and counter-signal in the press, something one might expect in normal times has not yet happened: the two elected leaders of our two nations have yet to sit down and talk. Of course they are self-made reclusive lame ducks, but they are still in power.

Trudeau should perhaps make a trip to Washington, where the current president resides. This is a Luke 16 moment where even as an self-made unfaithful manager he could still do some good by his nation and act like a leader, meet with his future-former counterpart Joe Biden, and try to save some Canadian bacon.

How Grok imagines that hypothetical conversation goes. Looks about right!

Trudeau is in Washington for the state funeral of Jimmy Carter, so he does have a chance for a pull-aside with Biden (or Trump).

What they would talk about or cook up, God knows, but they have 10 days to figure it out before the inauguration. Even though they’re both limp and dwindling they are, for better or for worse, still leading the world's greatest nations.

For now, it looks like a sabre rattle meant as a funny online joke is picking up too much steam. We all want to believe Trump is playing hard ball to make Canada accept a bad future deal by making Canada’s leaders imagine the worst possible scenario, thereby forcing them to negotiate at a great loss that, in light of the unthinkable alternative, seems like acceptable national gain.

And yet there’s something so obvious and essential to Canadian identity that I haven’t seen brought to the table by any of our official or makeshift representatives, and so I offer it here to ensure it's not overlooked when we walk up to the negotiating table.

It’s not hockey. It’s not Tim Horton’s donuts or coffee. It’s not the CBC or even universal healthcare. It's something more Canadian still.

Spelling.

Amongst all the things we can offer economically, all the resources we can trade, all the commodities we could fight over or give away, America will never —could never—annex our spelling. Our ou’s and re’s are uniquely our own on this continent.

We will always have our honour, our vigour, our sombre valour. And even when those are besmirched or taken away, we will keep our humour.